Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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