i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Randomize
