I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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