I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize