you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I take back everything I said about communal showers
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
