If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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