So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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