i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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