3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
It was a blind-side dick pic.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
