I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
