forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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