Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
