This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
where am i from again
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
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