At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
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