I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
