You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
