oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
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No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
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