I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Randomize
