I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
