i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Randomize
