my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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