Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i drank out of a bidet.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
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