um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
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miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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