i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
