john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
