I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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