I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
