I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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