Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
