Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
