have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
and you fell through a lawn chair
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
