i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
