That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
