Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
