i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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