hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
