and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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