I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
