I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
