No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
