girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Randomize
