Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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