Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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