Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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