Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Randomize
