The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
