i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
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