dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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