this beer tastes like vomit already
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Randomize
