Ambien. No doubt about it.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
