Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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