so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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