Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
