did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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