I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
