that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
