operation harelip BJ is a go
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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