There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
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