He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
We left the knife in your bed.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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