im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
