Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
