I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I will die if light touches me.
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
