We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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